How to be positive

We all struggle at one point in our lives to remain positive. We feel overwhelmed with worries, stress, continuous thoughts and fears. I for starters spent years trying to find some positivity in my life when I separated. Especially when you have to struggle so much to make ends meet, take care of your children, focus on work or improve your career, look after your home, take care of your children's extra curricular activities, their schooling and finally try and take care of yourself.  Even mentioning all these things make me feel exhausted!. At times I still wonder how I still manage all this! However, I would like to share with you a few steps I do myself which really help me to cope and to remain positive and not feel disheartened.

STEP 1: GET RID OF TOXIC PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE OR THOSE WHO TRY TO MANIPULATE YOU

It took me a long time to realise this, but believe me if your surroundings are not serene ones, if you don't manage to smile and feel good no matter the amount of chores you have to do, the physical and mental stress that we go through every day, how on earth can you feel good about yourself and think positive? YOU CANNOT! You will start feeling anxious, tired and demotivated. If you are in a relationship the way I see it is you either sit down with your partner and speak your heart out but still putting your foot down and demand some changes or if your partner is a Narcissist then believe me, whatever you do or say nothing will work.  You simply need to be strong enough to take a decision to break free for your sake and for your children, otherwise your will always be doomed to negativity, manipulations and emotional abuse.  The beginning might be hard and you might feel that you won't survive alone, but if your surroundings are like I am saying, then you were always alone.  So get up, stop procrastinating and make some changes! In time you will start feeling lighter and happier and you will have that CAN DO ATTITUDE!

STEP 2: ORGANISE YOUR LIFE

I always stress on this point. Since I discovered the world of being organised my life is so much better.  I have not reached a point of perfection which probably I will never reach, but I manage all my things in one day because I time manage myself and organise my thoughts, my life and everything.  If your house is full of clutter then you cannot be positive, if your work desk if full of papers and nothing is filed, how can you sit down and start your day positivilely knowing what you have to do? If your kids are running about like mad at home, how can you feel good about yourself? and ultimately how can you be good with others? Therefore, now that a new year is round the corner, take some time and sit down quietly and start making plans.  Here are a few tips for your planning.

• Activities of the week
• Weekly meal planner
• Budgeting
• Kids activities
• Plan some alone time to do something for yourself

Activities of the week: - Grab your diary and list down all your weekly activities, yours and of your children/partner or spouse.  

Week meal planner: - Write down the menu for the week, this will save you time and money when you do your shopping or when you have a busy day and the least on your mind is to think what you are going to cook. It could be fun to involve your children in the decision making.  I am sure that chicken nuggets and chips will feature somewhere:) However, this exercise will be good because you can balance the meals and you will know what you are eating.

Budgeting:  This plays a very important role about how we feel, especially if we are constantly struggling with  finances.  List down all your fixed expenses and your income. Put up an excel sheet and make sure that you list down all the  expenses you have so that you will know where you are spending most of your money. Allocate portions and I suggest you put them in envelopes sorting them out by week. For example, if you are allocating Euro 400 for food for a month, then grab 4 envelopes and name them Food - week 1 and put a Euro 100 in it so on and so forth for the rest of the month.  You need to make sure that you stick to it, or perhaps manage to save something from it.  By the end of the week there will be a feel good factor around you and around the house! 

Kids activities:   I think that many single parents go through the nightmare of taking their kids to their extra curricular activities.  At times you simply feel tired and exhausted and angry when you have a late meeting at work and you know that you still have to rush home, pick up your kids, drive them to their activities, probably wait for them or go run some errands, then go back for them and finally get home, after a long day at work and you need to start your chores and following their schooling etc.... Planning their activities and the logistics of it is a headache! However, please take control over this and if you manage to get some help from other parents and perhaps take in turns, your week is already breathable. If you do not manage to find help, please do remain positive and adjust your working hours to be able to manage things better.  If you are in employment, go speak to your boss with a plan, if you need to leave before from work to take your children somewhere, then propose a time where you can make up for the lost time.  

Alone time:  Probably this is the most important of all the above.  Positivity comes through self discipline, listening to our body, taking care of our body and relaxing mentally.  You can never re charge if you are a machine always on the go.  You need to break and find some time for yourself to recollect, to do something you like doing, whether it is reading or cooking, but I suggest to allow yourself to some physical activity. At least 3 times a week. This is the time were you will be doing something for you, where you don't hear kids whining or fighting, where you don't need to answer any calls and where you can put on some nice music and unwind. Try it out and you will how fast your moods start changing and how better you start feeling!

STEP 3: DON'T BE SCARED TO BE ALONE

This may sound the hardest of all.  No one is meant to be alone and by this I don't mean that you do not fall in love or exclude your friends, not at all! What I am saying is that being alone does not mean that you are lonely. Finding your self requires being on your own. It is important to find time 

to get to know what you like doing, what is your favorite music,  what is acceptable for you, what are your goals in life, your bucket lists etc....many times when you are in a relationship you end up getting in a routine and you end up doing things that you probably don't enjoy, or you tag along friends and it is not what makes you happy, but not to feel alone you simply follow others.  This has to stop! If you want to take control over your life and how your feel and start engaging positiveness in your life then start enjoying some time alone! ME TIME!!

I hope that you enjoyed my article. Please leave any comments, suggestions and your thoughts about this. I wish you all a happy and prosperous new year with a new positive You!

How to plan your week to reduce stress and anxiety

How to plan your week to reduce stress and anxiety

How many of you get that feeling of constantly running against time, no matter how many things you juggle, you always seem to be 3 steps behind.  Well don't beat yourself too much because what we go through as women who have a lot on their plate is pretty normal and our moods, let downs and emotional breakdowns are normal too.  I get so many bad days. The feeling of struggling to cope since my separation was always very strong. The minute I open my eyes I am already thinking of a million things to do. Women who unfortunately have to do it all by themselves need to plan ahead and be less hard on themselves.  It is enough that we have to handle a full time job, cook, clean, take care of our children and at the same time take care of ourselves if we do not learn how to control anxiety and limit stress, the chances are that we will get sucked deeper and deeper.  From experience, I feel the need to share some of my thoughts with you. I really hope that this article leaves a positive impact.

• To do list

This should not take up a lot of time but dedicate 20 minutes to make a proper list with all the things that need to be done, be it work, things around the house, cooking, taking kids to extra curricular activities etc..

•  Prepare a monthly menu

This might sound a little bit odd but planning ahead of what you will be eating for the whole month will help reduce stress and save time, wrecking your mind.  When I had done this for this first time I had roped in my children and asked for their opinion and we built a meal schedule in no time.  The beauty of it because I managed to save a lot of money on impulse buying.  Buying food and detergents for a whole month will eliminate the last minute shopping from the closest convenience, which we all know are not discount shops at all. By the way, just cooked these yummy artichokes yesterday.

• Plan a 'Chores List' for your children

So this might be a sensitive subject, because I read a lot of articles and had also attended to parental classes out of which I think most of them are a load of crap.  When I was a full time stay home mum, to be honest I used to take pride in cleaning and having everywhere organised. But that reality did not exist anymore when I separated and even forced to work full time to pay rent and bills.  So I ended up burning myself out, waking up early to take kids to school, do my 8 hour job, go home, cook, clear all the clutter of 3 young boys and go through their homeworks etc. On a day were they had no training I would still be in my work clothes and if I am lucky I get to shower at 10.30pm  This was horrible and depressing me so much.  I knew that something needed to be done. So here is what I did. Each child has a few chores on a daily basis and other chores on the weekends. I don't need to get into the tiny details but their chores are from doing their beds and clear the rooms, to put their clothes in the washing machine and hang them when ready, folding of clothes, clean the dishes and dry them and clean the bathrooms. At the end of the week I give them some pocket money as reward. However, when there are days that they feel like challenging or not behaving I simply tell them that they have a choice, they either do their chores and get rewarded or still do their chores and not get rewarded.  As harsh as it may sound, I want to raise 3 independent men and who know what respect is.  They understand that I am the person breaking my back to give them a normal life, they cannot expect me to act like Cinderella whilst they relax on the sofa playing or watching tv...Today I can have some more quality time with them and enjoy a few games of Uno after dinner because I am not on the go all the time.

• Preparation on the weekend

I dedicate 3 hours on Saturday to prepare food for the during the week.  I cook and freeze and I am doing the same with the lunches.  The thing is that I involve my children most of the time, they enjoy helping mummy and it is also fun for them.  It helps them learn too.  My worst nightmare is doing lunches during the week, preparing school lunch for three kids is never ending. So I buy enough bread on the weekend to have for a whole week and freeze them.  I just take them out the night before and in the morning all they do is put them in their bags.

I am sure if you start working on my points above, you will start feeling better and in control.  It definitely helped me reduce a lot of stress and anxiety. 

Take care and feel free to comment and share your ideas.

Struggling to cope with children

We all love the idea of having children. When I was young all I wanted was to have children of my own.  Now that I have children of my own I wish I could go back and make things different.  All these thoughts pass through our minds a few times I am sure, especially when we are exhausted, tired and feeling depressed because we feel we cannot cope.  The thing is, I never signed to raise the children on my own.  I always thought that the children belong to both parents and believe me I still strongly believe in this , however,in my case it does not seem to be the case and I am sure that there are many women or men who are in the same situation. Now I have been for the past 5 years raising the kids on my own, coping with a full time job, house cleaning, helping kids with their schooling, driving them to their sports activities and also trying to make a relationship work. I tell you, it is not easy.  To be honest I decided to create this blog to share my experiences with you and to let you know that you are not alone to feel this way and I have no magic wand on how to solve short term, long term or every day problems.  People tell me how much they admire me because I don't give up and notwithstanding my situation I seem to be able to cope. Truth is, there are days when I am a nervous wreck, days when I cry, days when I am all dull and negative, days when I simply want to walk away. But the question I keep on telling myself, "Is this how I want my life to be"? Always struggling financially, always physically and mentally tired? The answer is No....and that is when I fight to get myself back on track.  Like I had previously mentioned, time management is key, but when it boils down to kids, I strongly believe that discipline and giving them responsibilities is also important.

Coming home from work

I don't know you, but when you get home from a full day of work, the least thing you want to do is clean the clutter, check your kids homework's and revise, prepare their lunches, ensure that their uniforms are clean, throw a load in the machine, meanwhile you end up doing and juggling a million and one things before it is time for dinner.  Well I decided that kids need a time table to follow.  My children's ages are 12,10 and 8. That means another 3 pair of hands. 

It took me a while to create a time table that works but today I can say that things are better and I am raising boys that are capable to clean, wash clothes, tidy up etc...

Coming home from work should mean, coming to a decent home and be able to breath.

The time-table

The time table starts from when the children get home from school. This is what I did and so far it is working.  I allocated 60 minutes, to change, wash, eat and play.  Obviously you need to adapt to your children's ages.  Then everyone has to start his or her homework.  For my little one, I allocated 45 minutes to finish up. For the others I gave them an allowance of one hour and a half to finish off their work.  Then I allocated study time per subject. 20/30 mins each subject.  By 5pm they are ready from their work and they all have their chores to do.  Who washes plates and who dries them, who folds the clothes, and who cleans up the rooms and bathrooms.  Obviously these chores are spread over the week and they need to learn that mummy cannot do it all alone, if they live in the house they need to clean their own mess too.  The faster they do their chores, the more time they have to play.

By 8 o'clock, we are usually at the table eating all together and looking forward to play three rounds of UNO.  It is not always possible to give them pocket money, but I make it a point to show them that I appreciate their help.

Different opinions, different characters and challenging times

I must admit, the hardest part is not designing the time table, but coping with kids who are constantly evolving, growing up, hormones and what not.  The combination of 3 boys at home, I am telling you is not easy at all and there are moments when I am scared that my neighbours will report me, with all the shouting and screaming:)  Till today, no matter how much I read about good parenting and how to cope with kids, I am sorry this is us who have to find the best way to make it work. Unfortunately, the society we are living in today, gave too many rights to our children and we seem to have to go with the flow.  I get days when they wouldn't listen, I get days when they do nothing at all and I get days when they are constantly fighting.  It gets to me so much!...First thing I do is take away all their tablets, then I send them to their rooms but after a while I simply give in because I don't manage to remain mad all the time.  Having said that, there are days when I am simply too tired to cope with their nonsense and that is when I literally remind them that I am breaking my back to keep it going, to give them a good life and  I demand respect. I show them how I am feeling and I also show them how disappointed I am. In my case to be honest this works. Because they immediately retract back and start cooperating.  This lasts only a day or two because then it is back to normal, but honestly they are kids and we cannot expect them to act like adults. My point here is, there is nothing wrong in talking to your children to show them how you feel and that you need them.  We want them to grow up to be strong men with a strong character but also be respectful and understanding with others.  

Do not give up and talk to your children.  Especially to single mums or dads, do not close up and shield too much your children. It is good to talk ( depending on their age) and to discuss and to share your dreams with them.  We all want better days, it cannot rain forever! But we need to work hard and raise good children. If today was a bad day, we try again tomorrow.  Success happens because we do not allow ourselves to give up.  

Good luck

xx

How to rebuild yourself

We all feel lost and demotivated at times.  My tips for today are the following;


Time management

If you are struggling with work, home and kids and potentially a partner, never forget that you are also important. If you don't take care of yourself, no one will.  The children need you to be strong and happy.  If you are weak, tired and burned out. Then you need to stop and plan.  Create a time -table for the children giving them instructions depending on their age.  I will share with you how to get your kids help more around the house in my next posts. Then create a time table for you.  Set a to do list and prioritize.  Make sure to allow some time to yourself especially to include some physical activitiy on a day to day basis.  This will lift up your spirits and you will feel more in control.

Learn to say "No"

As super mummies we try to keep everyone happy but we need to learn to say No if it is something that will entail more efforts from our end. Children need to understand that No is No and it will only help them develop their characters better.  At times the word No will help us save more money because we do not give in to every request and it will save us more time, allowing more time to ourselves.

Make an effort to look good

No matter how tired we feel, it is a must that we make that tiny effort to wake up in the morning and look good.  For the stay homes mum, get out of your pjs and dress up.  Do it for yourselves and for your children. Passing on good vibes will improve the atmosphere and you will start feeling good.

Take care of your body

There was a time when I felt so weak and tired that I forgot to take care of my body and my needs. In fact my poor diet had left me with losing a lot of weight and get sick. I got anemic and not only I had no energy to do the normal simple chores but everything became a struggle. My skin colour changed and I looked like I aged a lot more than I actually was.  Drinking water is a must and planning healthy meals should be part of your lifestyle.  Start taking walks or do some simple exercises at home. If you have some time to go to the gym do so too.