Struggling to cope with children

We all love the idea of having children. When I was young all I wanted was to have children of my own.  Now that I have children of my own I wish I could go back and make things different.  All these thoughts pass through our minds a few times I am sure, especially when we are exhausted, tired and feeling depressed because we feel we cannot cope.  The thing is, I never signed to raise the children on my own.  I always thought that the children belong to both parents and believe me I still strongly believe in this , however,in my case it does not seem to be the case and I am sure that there are many women or men who are in the same situation. Now I have been for the past 5 years raising the kids on my own, coping with a full time job, house cleaning, helping kids with their schooling, driving them to their sports activities and also trying to make a relationship work. I tell you, it is not easy.  To be honest I decided to create this blog to share my experiences with you and to let you know that you are not alone to feel this way and I have no magic wand on how to solve short term, long term or every day problems.  People tell me how much they admire me because I don't give up and notwithstanding my situation I seem to be able to cope. Truth is, there are days when I am a nervous wreck, days when I cry, days when I am all dull and negative, days when I simply want to walk away. But the question I keep on telling myself, "Is this how I want my life to be"? Always struggling financially, always physically and mentally tired? The answer is No....and that is when I fight to get myself back on track.  Like I had previously mentioned, time management is key, but when it boils down to kids, I strongly believe that discipline and giving them responsibilities is also important.

Coming home from work

I don't know you, but when you get home from a full day of work, the least thing you want to do is clean the clutter, check your kids homework's and revise, prepare their lunches, ensure that their uniforms are clean, throw a load in the machine, meanwhile you end up doing and juggling a million and one things before it is time for dinner.  Well I decided that kids need a time table to follow.  My children's ages are 12,10 and 8. That means another 3 pair of hands. 

It took me a while to create a time table that works but today I can say that things are better and I am raising boys that are capable to clean, wash clothes, tidy up etc...

Coming home from work should mean, coming to a decent home and be able to breath.

The time-table

The time table starts from when the children get home from school. This is what I did and so far it is working.  I allocated 60 minutes, to change, wash, eat and play.  Obviously you need to adapt to your children's ages.  Then everyone has to start his or her homework.  For my little one, I allocated 45 minutes to finish up. For the others I gave them an allowance of one hour and a half to finish off their work.  Then I allocated study time per subject. 20/30 mins each subject.  By 5pm they are ready from their work and they all have their chores to do.  Who washes plates and who dries them, who folds the clothes, and who cleans up the rooms and bathrooms.  Obviously these chores are spread over the week and they need to learn that mummy cannot do it all alone, if they live in the house they need to clean their own mess too.  The faster they do their chores, the more time they have to play.

By 8 o'clock, we are usually at the table eating all together and looking forward to play three rounds of UNO.  It is not always possible to give them pocket money, but I make it a point to show them that I appreciate their help.

Different opinions, different characters and challenging times

I must admit, the hardest part is not designing the time table, but coping with kids who are constantly evolving, growing up, hormones and what not.  The combination of 3 boys at home, I am telling you is not easy at all and there are moments when I am scared that my neighbours will report me, with all the shouting and screaming:)  Till today, no matter how much I read about good parenting and how to cope with kids, I am sorry this is us who have to find the best way to make it work. Unfortunately, the society we are living in today, gave too many rights to our children and we seem to have to go with the flow.  I get days when they wouldn't listen, I get days when they do nothing at all and I get days when they are constantly fighting.  It gets to me so much!...First thing I do is take away all their tablets, then I send them to their rooms but after a while I simply give in because I don't manage to remain mad all the time.  Having said that, there are days when I am simply too tired to cope with their nonsense and that is when I literally remind them that I am breaking my back to keep it going, to give them a good life and  I demand respect. I show them how I am feeling and I also show them how disappointed I am. In my case to be honest this works. Because they immediately retract back and start cooperating.  This lasts only a day or two because then it is back to normal, but honestly they are kids and we cannot expect them to act like adults. My point here is, there is nothing wrong in talking to your children to show them how you feel and that you need them.  We want them to grow up to be strong men with a strong character but also be respectful and understanding with others.  

Do not give up and talk to your children.  Especially to single mums or dads, do not close up and shield too much your children. It is good to talk ( depending on their age) and to discuss and to share your dreams with them.  We all want better days, it cannot rain forever! But we need to work hard and raise good children. If today was a bad day, we try again tomorrow.  Success happens because we do not allow ourselves to give up.  

Good luck

xx